The following poem I wrote is based on 1 Peter 5:7-8 and it was in response to a Bible study I was doing in 2014. You can read the original blog post at the link below. 😊
https://tabrownwv.com/2014/01/30/made-to-crave-week-2-1-peter-57/
I apologize in advance for the length.
This post is for the Proverbs 31 online Bible studies blog hop. We are currently studying, Limitless Life by Derwin Gray. For this week’s blog hop, I’ve chosen to share my testimony of going from addict to free that corresponds with Chapter 2 of the book.
I actually have 2 testimonies of going from addict to free.
The 1st is my addiction to cigarettes. I had been a smoker for about 17 years. I started when I was 20 & ended up officially quitting in 2011, after several failed attempts. I had gotten sick with a bad case of bronchitis and the last thing I wanted to do was smoke. It took about 2 weeks for me to get over the coughing & being sick, but it was enough to get me started on my road to quitting smoking. By God’s grace, I am proud to say that I have been smoke free for 3 years now & I think it’s been one of the best things that I have done for my overall health and well-being.
My 2nd testimony of being set free is a little bit more personal for me & the fact that I am able to write & share this with you today is only because of the work that God has done in my life. Especially since I dealt with this addiction in silence for about the same time that I started smoking. It was one that has caused a lot of shame, guilt & fear – which was an addiction to pornography. For many years I carried this addiction that no one knew about & I was too ashamed to admit. But through God’s grace & mercy, He made a way for me to be open & honest with some people through my church & I am now set free of my addiction.
My addiction started when I was in my teens and my parents were going through a separation. I had been snooping one day & came across some of my dad’s adult magazines & ended up sneaking them up to my room. By the time I had graduated high school, my parents had divorced and even though I was a Christian by this time – I accepted Christ at 15 – I was devastated. Instead of turning to God for comfort and help during this time, I kind of went through this rebellious stage. I was looking toward others to find my worth and security.
My porn addiction escalated when I got into a relationship with a guy I had met at a bar where my coworkers and I went for karaoke & several months later, I moved in with him. His roommate had a huge porn collection that my ex & would sometimes borrow videos to watch when he wasn’t home. Over the years that we were together – which was 8 – we ended up using porn to “enhance” our relationship.
Several months after we broke up, I had been working for a company of over 1000 people & I started dating a guy who worked on the same floor as I did. We went out for almost a year & broke up after I started attending & joined a local church with my mom. While we were together, we would visit adult stores because he knew about my previous relationship & how we used to watch movies together. This was my last relationship I’ve had. I’ve been single for almost 10 years now, but I also thank God for this season of singleness.
I ended up attending this church for 5 years until I felt that it was time for me to move on to another church. The church I had been attending is considered to some a legalistic type of church. So while I was a member, I learned a lot about God, but didn’t really have a strong knowledge of his love for me. I always felt that I wasn’t good enough or that I wasn’t doing enough for Him. So, after I left that one, I took some time off and about 6 months later, I started attending a spirit-filled non-denominational church. Four months after that, I ended up joining that one & becoming a member.
During this time of singleness & church attendance, I spent time growing my relationship with God through prayer & bible study, however, I still continued struggling with my addiction to pornography in which no one knew about, except God. I kept going through the sin-confess-sin-confess cycle for years until last year when I told God I was finally done & something needed to change.
For many years I had been so embarrassed, ashamed, guilty and fearful of my addiction. It almost seemed taboo for a woman to struggle with this type of addiction. And even if they did, it wasn’t something that was talked about in the open. At least where I came from. But God, in his grace & mercy, answered my prayer & made a way for me to be open & honest about my addiction with some trusted Christians that I had already been seeing for prayer and counseling.
I was nervous about contacting my prayer counselor & spilling my guts about something that I had never spoke a word to anyone about, except anonymously online to strangers. But I was shocked & relieved when I received a response from her thanking me for my honesty. She was so gracious & didn’t judge me. We set up an appointment for me to meet with her & 2 other ladies for counseling & an anointed prayer session. After the appointment was over, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I was also able to share my freedom with a lady I had met with later to set up getting re-baptized that weekend at church – I was baptized once when I joined that church after my relationship ended.
Afterwards, I had set up weekly meetings & bible studies for several months to keep myself accountable, but to be completely honest, I really didn’t need it, other than to help grow my relationship with God. The reason I say this is because I truly believe that once I was open & honest with several people about my addiction & then getting re-baptized, I think it helped fortify my freedom.
This was back in July of last year & I am happy to say that I am completely free of my addiction. I have not had any urges to look at a movie or magazine of adult nature. And if I do come across something like that now, I just shut it off or walk away from it because it no longer serves a purpose in my life.
I feel like I have been given a fresh start in life & I know that God has a plan & purpose for my life. I do hope that I will eventually end up getting married one day, but this time, I am going to do it God’s way. I am also going to cherish this time that I have as a single person & use it serve God the best way I know how, especially when opportunities like this one open up for me to share my story with others.
1 Peter 5:7-8 (NIV)
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
(I made the above graphic with @visualpoetry. An app I found for the iPhone.)
This was on Sunday night,and by Monday morning as I was getting ready for work, I heard in my spirit “things are not always as they seem. The enemy wants to steal your joy and your peace, don’t let him.” Then later that afternoon, he reminded me again, “do not give up.”
I love how the word for this week is “determination”. I think it’s perfect for what I am going through right now & how the Lord reminded me not to give up. It’s so easy to do sometimes when we “feel” like things are not going as we planned. We let our guard down for one moment and the enemy decides to step in and plant seeds of doubt & discouragement, then we are tempted to give up trying – whatever it may be.
Not to give the enemy more credit than he deserves, but it’s sad that he knows us better than we know ourselves, especially during times of weakness and vulnerability. He’s studied us for a long time and knows exactly what buttons to push to get us to question God. Just like he did with Eve. That is why I had to include the rest of the verse above.
I wrote the following prayer poem on Monday while I was reflecting on this verse & going through my moment of doubt & questioning.
Lord when temptations come & life feels out of control
Remind me to look to you, the Lover of my soul
You know me better than I know myself
It is only in you that I will find my rest
The enemy prowls around seeking someone to devour
I need to be on my guard, each and every hour
He wants to kill, steal and destroy the hope I find in you
But I know that with you by my side, i will get my breakthrough
You are my shelter & fortress, in you I can stand
You hold my very life in the palm of your hand
You care for me deeply, because I am your daughter
Bought by the blood of your son & cleansed by the water
I love you Lord because you first loved me
and in your arms I’ll always be
safe and secure no need to fret
Because your have not failed me yet.
This post is a part of the Made to Crave online bible study from Proverbs 31 ministries.
For this blog entry, I chose option #2 which is to “Unpack our scripture for the week and share with us what you learned”
YEARNS –desires, pines
after
FAINTS – becomes weak
MY HEART – inner man,
mind, will, heart
AND FLESH – flesh
CRY OUT – shout, sing for
joy
FOR THE LIVING – alive
GOD – almighty
2 My soul yearns, yes, even pines and is homesick for
the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out and sing for joy to the
living God.
Do my heart & my flesh
cry out for the Living God?
Or does my
soul, my very essence, crave or even desire other things before God?
As I was debating on which blog topic I wanted to write about this past week, it was clear to me after I went to church on Wednesday night. My Pastor talked about taking up our crosses and following him from Matthew 16:24-28. So I knew that wholly committed would be my topic.
One thing I have found to be interesting about this #YestoGod journey & Bible study that I started is that it came shortly around the time I made 2 decisions. The 1st was that my ‘one word’ for the 2nd half of 2013 would be “surrender” and the 2nd is that I decided to get re-baptized.
You can watch the video here. 🙂
One of the things that my pastor mentioned that I made note of was that the word deny means to disown one self or own interests. So we have to make a daily decision that will either yield to the spirit or give into our fleshly desires – which is me most of the times. It also means that we need to be putting the things of God and His kingdom 1st.
He also said that the “cross” is a sign of commitment and when it says to “deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me”, Jesus is saying that we need to lay down our own will and take up “our cross”. In order to take up something we must lay something down.So in other words, we must lay down our own plans, desires, wishes and “take up” God’s calling, purpose, plan & will for our life.
That is why I think this whole SURRENDER & YES TO GOD is so interesting. Especially since I’ve been saved for over 23, but I haven’t always been committed to God and His plan for my life. My journey has had many ups and downs and gone down many roads I wish I had never gone. But at the same time, if I hadn’t, I never would have had the pleasure of knowing that God “works for the good of those who love Him”. (Romans 8:28 NIV). Plus, it wouldn’t have shaped me into the person I am today.
The above post is in response to the Yes to God Blog Hop week 3
Tiffany Brown 
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